I love Daniel Pink. He's one of those people that really gets my brain jazzed up!
His book, "A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future " is one of those life-changing books for me because when it first came out in 2006, it gave me hope that:
1. I'm not some misfit which years in left-brain Silicon Valley made me feel, and...
2. That the creative, intuitive, and empathatic skills of those who are right-brain dominate would be one day valued as much in the business world as analytical, logic-focused, structured skills.
Daniel wrote this really cool post on his blog, "There are two kinds of people in the world..." which included some really inspiring insights. His post stimulated some of my own thoughts from a healthiness (health + happiness) perspective...
There are two kinds of people in the world...
Those who open your heart...and those who break your heart.
Those who are present...and those who are disconnected.
Those who make their health a priority...and those who make their health an after-thought.
Those who walk their talk...and those who just like to talk.
Those who forgive...and those who hold grudges.
Those who seek within...and those who seek outside.
Those who are professionals...and those who are are amateurs. (must read, "The War of Art ")
Those who adapt to change...and those who fight change.
Those that turn their life around...and those that keep their life upside down.
Those who want to make meaning...and those who want to be popular.
Those who are led by their higher-self...and those who are led by their lower-self.
Which are you?
And to note, there is no right or wrong in any of these, it's a matter of giving thought to what you want to embody in your life. We all have choices and we learn and grow from those choices.
If I hadn't spent years holding grudges, I would have never learned the benfits and freedom in forgiveness. Because I kept my life upside down for so long and then finally choose to transform ten years ago, I'm now able to share my experiences through blogging today to help inspire people to turn their lives around even in small ways. Personally, I'm currently working on being led more by my higher-self.
We are all indeed the author of our life story.
This is me when I cry. It's around midnight and I'm sitting in front of my livingroom mirror. On my blogs, you always see me cheery and smiling, but today you get to see the not-so-cheery side. This is authentic time...which is both the pretty and the messy.
And yet, there is perfection, as I wouldn't change a thing, in this moment as my friend Joseph would say. I also expressed something similar in my post about my Gratitude Altar I created on Thanksgiving day.
There is an evolution in our vulnerability.
I loved today that my friend Megan showed pictures of her messy house to let her readers know that she doesn't have it all together. She is not super mom, and her openness inspired me to do this post and share my own stuff.
I loved today that I had a spontaneous meeting with my friend Greg and I told him how I admired that on his blog he shared his authentic side which includes some very not-pretty things along with the awesome things when he took to heart Tom Peters statement:
"I love y'all. But could we lighten up a bit on 'authentic'? The authentic anyone is usually at least half not very pretty."
I also loved today that when I was feeling really sad tonight and drank wine to help alleviate my sadness that I went to my Facebook page and vented a bit and for some reason...well actually not totally surprising because the universe wanted to let me know it was hearing me...that I saw many posts from friends with the theme "when one door closes another will open."
The post that helped me immensely was this from my friend Jessica, who posted a segment from the Katy Perry song, "Firework" (do watch the video, it's cool):
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow
Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed...
...So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
I loved that my friend Rene blessed me with her kindness after I vented a bit to her:
I REALLY hope that regardless of all that, you have the wonderful, magical holiday season that you deserve for bringing so much light and health to others! :)
And I loved that my friend Joanne IM'd me even though it was the wee hours in her time zone just to check in because she noticed something was up with me. How I appreciated that!
Today I was sad and I cried because I saw this butterfly heart necklace the other day and I wondered why romantic love has alluded me. Why some people can find a relationship seemingly easily, and with all my wonderfulness, I am here sitting on my couch filled with so much love ...and yes in deep gratitude that I am blessed with family and friends who love me dearly...and no special person to share it with. These feelings are compounded because it's the holidays.
And none of this is about logic or what is right or wrong. It's what is...right now...what comes up for me.
Logically my brain and my higher self knows there is someone for me. That my love and I will finally find each other. That I just need to be patient and go about living my life to its fullest. But my emotions and my not-so-confident side gets insecure and sad. In simple moments, I just want someone to cuddle with. I have those moments...and I know I'm not alone. I'm wearing my heart completely on my sleeve (and my blog) today.
And I cried...and even more importantly, I didn't emo eat. I chose to blog instead.
I am not a trainwreck. I am not weak. I am not a mess who can't keep it together. I am actually very grounded, but...
I am human
...and this is me on one of those days when I need to cry, when I need to be sad, when I need to express my hurt, my frustration and my pain. This is one of those authentic moments which we tend to hide from the world because we don't want anyone to see us when we are weak, vulnerable, or losing our shit. We only want to show our pretty sides and not the un-pretty sides.
It is neither healthy nor strong to pretend all the time that everything is FINE. You don't have to show the world every moment of everything you feel when you feel it. In fact, that can be downright TMI. But there are times, when it is okay to show this side of us. It is okay to show and express our humanness.
In fact, we need to show this side of us, or people start thinking we're always the strong one...the one who always has it together...the one who never needs help.
But sometimes in life things are just a plain god awful mess.
Sometimes things are so out of control that you are forced to relinquish control because you NEED to let go of control.
Sometimes living in the NOW means you have to experience and be with your pain.
That pain is actually not trying to hurt you, that pain is trying to teach you. That pain is trying to tell you what needs attention and what needs to be healed. But, that requires you to raise your consciousness and be with a teacher that comes in a package we don't like.
For me today, my teacher is singleness...and yeah I really don't like this teacher. But I get it universe. I'm not supposed to like the teacher, I'm supposed to get the lesson...which I'm still trying to figure out, but believe I will learn.
And maybe that's part of the problem, I'm doing too much thinking and not enough doing like oh I don't know asking a guy out instead of waiting for one to ask me. I do have this old-fashioned notion that boys are supposed to ask girls out. Perhaps, it's time to let go of that belief because I can hear Dr. Phil's voice asking, "And so, how's that working for you?"
We are so trained to numb ourselves...to run away...to compartmentalize...to act like nothing happened and that everything is FINE. Is it any wonder that more and more of us are miserable and constantly unfulfilled?
It is not only healthy, but it is normal, to have bad days....to have sad days...to have days when you want to say "Fuck it!" and hide from the world.
Everyone thinks I'm the strong one....but I'm not always strong. Yeah, I demonstrate strength quite a bit but I'm not built out of rock. I know and have learned a great deal, but I don't always have it all together. I can be catty and self-involved. I don't have all the answers.
In fact, neither I nor anyone else is supposed to have all the answers because that's one reason why we're here on Earth...to learn. We're here to learn how to become better humans...how to become more loving humans. And in order to do that, you need to have weak, vulnerable, effed up days!
In Evan Almighty, God aka Morgan Freeman said it perfectly,
"If someone prays for courage, God doesn't just make them courageous, he gives them an opportunity to demonstrate courage."
It's all one big homework assignment from the universe!
When that assignment comes, do we choose to be the same, to act the same, to think the same...or do we finally choose to do something different, to think different, to behave differently.
This is how we change.
In the face of challenge, adversity, pain, you choose DIFFERENTLY! You make a choice that grows you. You make a choice that is for the higher good of all concerned.
You stop being a coward. You stop being self-focused. You stop putting yourself and others down. You stop thinking you don't deserve better. You stop blaming everyone and the world. You stop hurting yourself and others. You stop believing that happiness is for everyone else but you. You stop focusing on what you didn't get. You stop trying to be perfect.
You step up!
There is a difference between being sad all the time and once in awhile. I know because once upon a time I was sad ALL the time for months and then years, and they put me on medical leave and put me on the "happy pills." In my old life, I spent all most every single day being Miss Perfect because I believed that that's how I would get love and acceptance. To the world, I always made sure people thought I was FINE. You know what all that perfection really got me?
More pain...I was not FINE....and why?
Because I wasn't me. I wasn't living the real me. I wasn't allowing myself to be human with flaws as well as goodness. I didn't even let myself cry. I was being what I thought everyone wanted me to be. I was being that image of strength, wisdom, and perfection because I thought if I could just be perfect enough... that if I could just get it all together...then I too could be happy and loved like everyone else.
I took to blogging 5 years ago to share my own learning lessons so that I could help others feel less alone and stigmatized by things that are filled with shame. I am very grateful that sharing my stories helps others in their own healing journey. I showed my flaws as well as goodness to show that humans are multi-faceted and that if you truly say you want to live authentically, then that means you will have to show the ugly along with the pretty sides of you...and trust that you will still be loved and accepted.
Our flaws make us more interesting like our favorite leather jacket.
Of course it's not fucking easy...and yeah it is incredibly and highly UNCOMFORTABLE! But I'll tell you this....
...it's real! It's life...
...and you're not alone. You're not weird. You're not weak. Anyone who judges you, well, you have no say or control over that. That's their issue not yours.
It's okay to be human! What matters is what we learn and grow from our experiences. How we step up and be accountable...how we learn to be more loving to our self and others...in good and tough times.
Today I cried...and tomorrow is a new day. This too shall pass.