StephanieQuilao

Why I No Longer Believe What You Say

 

As I get older and wiser, the one thing I have come to learn as truth is that I no longer believe what people say, including myself. I believe in what you do. I believe in what your actions are telling me because frankly, words are air and really mean nothing until there is a walk followed by the talk.

I hold this standard equally to myself because frankly, I've gotten in the sloppy habit of saying I'm going to do something, and then I don't because of excuses or procrastination. I'm learning to be more conscious of backing up my talk with immediate action or to say nothing at all until I know for sure that I will come through with my intentions.

Pros versus Amateurs

I use the word sloppy because I do believe that being all talk and no action, or being inconsistent with your words is sloppy. I'm reminded of the difference between Pros and Amateurs ala Stephen Pressfield from The War of Art . I love Stephen's book and literally carry a copy around with me because his words help keep me focused on the bigger vision, and the actions needed to get there which for me right now is getting Thriving Media's first apps launched.

I also look for this quality in other people, and even more so now since I am the Founder of a company and in the process of building a team. Talent and experience is indeed crucial, but more important to me is that I need to be able to rely on you to come through.

When I'm getting to know people, I watch to see if there words and action match. With social media and search getting better and more interwoven, it's easier to check online to see if what people tell you about themselves is true or not or whether they are consistent or not.

I don't care if you if you have the best resume on the planet, if you are a flake or unreliable, the team cannot function on full throttle. This standard holds true for myself because as a leader the team needs to know with every fiber that you will stay true to your word. You cannot create loyalty without consistency.

As a life example, it's like the parent who keeps telling their kid they will show up to the play or ballgame and never do. Eventually, the kid stops believing because the disappointment has become too painful. The closeness the two once had erodes over time with each letdown because trust has been affected.

Emotional wellness

Flakiness and unreliability doesn't just stunt a team's ability to make progress, it affects the emotional wellness of the team. Bitterness and resentment start to arise which then leads to arguments, frustration, and splintering of the team. Dependability is emotional glue as it creates cohesiveness.

Outside of work, in my personal life, I have been quicker to move on from friendships and relationships where there is a pattern of growing inconsistency. As my friend @ElizabethHannan puts it, there is acute and chronic. Chronic unreliability is unacceptbale. For me, life is too short and stressful enough to be weighed down by people I cannot rely on.

In theory, it is very simple. Walk your talk. In execution, well, let's get better at it because as far as I'm concerned, I don't believe what you say. I believe what you do!

 

We're All Comeback Kids. No Matter How Much Life Kicks You Down, You Can Rise

One of the reasons I moved to Phoenix is because I heavily identified with the symbolism of the Phoenix bird rising from the ashes.

My life has been a series of ups and downs, but in the last 10 years having started on that day where I was told I was going on medical leave from work to the real reason for leaving that high-profile corporate career in Silicon Valley to rebuilding my health and life because I didn't even know who I was any more, and to finally finding my sense of life purpose and figuring out how to make a living from it, both the Phoenix bird and the butterfly have been my symbols not only of transformation but of hope and knowing.

The knowing is that no matter how much life kicks you down, how effed up your life may look and feel like in the moment, or how the pain seems endless and is never going to better, that it will get better... that life will pick you up as much as you think it has knocked you down.

Today, Chris Brogan wrote about persistence sharing stories about Eminem, Dr. Dre and Rihanna, and talking about how it is easy to give up, and how persistence is about faith. Yesterday, I talked about perseverance sharing the story of my friend Morris going from homeless kid to multi-millionaire, and asking, "Would the kid you once were be inspired by the adult you've become?"

Since Chris talked about the Grammys, I got thinking about the Oscars and of The Fighter. I think one of the reasons we love boxing movies like The Fighter, Ali, and Rocky is because boxing is a literal metaphor for despite getting the shit beat out of you, you get back up.

In all of those movies there is at least one scene where the boxer is lying on the mat all bruised, swollen, bloody and in enormous pain, and yet he is able to go deep inside and muster whatever is left in him and he stands up. He's like, "look mother fucker, I may be all fucked up but I'm standing. I'm still here. You ain't knocking me down. Let's do this!"

And then we cheer and cry in pride for him, and he beats down his opponent and wins! It's the ultimate feel good. FTW!

And although we are not boxers, we can get the metaphor and the symbolism that it is possible to get back up again. We are the boxer who gets back up and our opponent is the curve-balls life throws at us. Whatever hardships, tragedy, and challenges we are faced with, we can get through it, learn from it, grow from it, and rise from those ashes, and make a comeback or a bounceback.

Joel Osteen has this saying which I find inspiring:

No matter what comes your way, no matter how difficult, no matter how unfair, you will do more than simply survive. You will thrive in spite of it. (It's Your Time p. 86 )

These challenges we get are meant to grow us, evolve us, and help us thrive, not beat us down. How else do you find out what you are made of, what you stand for, what you believe in unless you are given harder and harder lessons? Warriors become stronger and smarter on the battlefield not in the classroom. That's why I named my company Thriving Media, to help people live a thriving life.

Even those flaws and imperfections we collect along the way make us more interesting like our favorite leather jacket or pair of jeans. We love the distressed versions!

Whenever I have those days where I feel beat down and I need some kind of Rocky Balboa pick me up, I listen to this song by Pat Benatar, "All Fired Up." which btw is an awesome workout song.

This line always lights me up, "I got a new fire burning in my eyes."

When you feel knocked down, you can rise. We all have it in us to be comeback kids :-D

 

Confidence Booster: "Just Know Your Shit"

Via Twitter, I came across this post, "The VC Pitch: Confidence Wanted," by Roger Ehrenberg and the part I resonated with right away was the line above which is why I made it into a pretty quote to tape on my wall as a reminder.

In his post, Roger was talking more specifically to entrepreneurs pitching to get venture funds, but I think the principle can be applied to practically everything whether it be work, love, family, friends, or our goals and dreams.

Confidence is attractive. Confidence is something we all have access to. Confidence helps us to achieve the things we want in life. Confidence feels good!

Confidence would seem like an easy thing for everyone to have and yet everyone has confidence issues...the degree varies from person to person. It's a good thing to remember that everyone has confidence issues because many times we assume that we are the only one.

It's easy to presume that someone who looks confident on the outside is equally so on the inside. Not always true. Me personally, I can get up on a stage in front of 400 people and do a keynote on my experiences in social media, no problem, but then put me in front of a cute guy I like and I crumble like smashed graham crackers.

What's the difference? Most people are scared to death of public speaking. How can one guy you want to date be so scary? The difference is my confidence levels in each scenario.

Public speaking is nerve racking indeed, but I'm able to get over it because the topics I speak about are things where I feel absolutely confident that I know my shit. For example, let's take Twitter. I'm one of the best Twitterers in the world as evidenced by my reach and influence, and that people pay me for my advice. There is no reason whatsoever to feel insecure about my Twitter knowledge.

I also view speaking as helping others which is tied to my life purpose work so I just deal with the nerves and go on with what I have to do.

Romance is a whole other story because in my head sometimes I'm still the awkward ugly duckling in 8th Grade who remembers a cute boy I liked saying to me, "You're so ugly, I'd never be seen with someone like you." Yeah ouch, third degree burn on the self esteem! And we all know shit like that scorches your developing psyche for eons so we go pay a therapist to help us control-alt-delete that self-defeating script.

That one incident affected me for years, and I'll be totally honest, that even though I've done much emotional work to heal that wound, to some degree the insecurity comes back now and then, and my confidence level around someone I'm romantically interested in drops because I had associated cute boy I like = piercing rejection.

But looking at me from the outside most people think, "You're attractive, smart, fun, and easy going. You could go out with any guy you wanted." Well yeah, of course, logically I know that. I'm not an awkward duckling anymore, I'm a swan. But emotionally, that's where the confidence work needs to be done. I need to just know my shit...about myself and the good loving qualities I bring to a relationship.

I'm thinking a good start to building up our confidence levels wherever we need it in life is first recognizing that a lack in confidence doesn't mean we are lacking as a person, that we are not enough. We are enough. We just need to remember that fact...and do our homework, do our work, stay positive and focused on our higher good.

Building confidence takes practice, and the more you do something, fall down and get up, the better and stronger you eventually become. This is why I continue to date and not give up on love :)

Personal Growth and Relationships: Love like A Child

On Sunday morning as I was going through my Facebook stream, my friend Jessica reminded us to, “Play like a Child” in this quote from Don Miguel Ruiz:

Play like a child. The happiest moments in your life are when you are playing just like a child, when you are singing and dancing, when you are exploring and creating just for fun. It is wonderful when you behave like a child, because this is the normal human tendency.

I started up with online dating again right before the holidays, and I must say it has been a very interesting adventure. I call it an adventure because it helps me stay light-hearted and to enjoy the process.

Dating in of itself can easily turn into a long, frustrating, depressing process if you let it….mainly because as we get older, and have had our heart broken once or many times, we do our best to avoid getting hurt like that again. In many of the profiles I've read, you can see the pain, judging, and need to control radiating out in statements like:

• Don’t write me if you’re looking for a sugar daddy
• Drama queens need not apply
• I’ve been divorced three times but I’m still looking for my soul mate
• That physical spark is important so I want someone who looks great in a bikini

That’s just the tip of the iceberg of what I’ve personally seen, and so I have no doubt that others have their own stories. Many dating profiles are just loaded with judgment, negativity, superficiality, and on and on…. I get it, people can/are really mean to each other. But, as mean as people can be, there are also many people who are very loving with good intentions.

Why is everyone so tense? Loosen up! Isn’t dating and meeting new people supposed to be, oh I don’t know…fun!

Ruiz’s quote of playing like a child also reminded me...love like a child. I can think of no other better example of being pure love besides kids. Can you?

You know that saying, “Love like you’ve never been hurt.” I think, “Love like a child” is more empowering because:

• I think it’s easier for us to recall being child-like than to remember what a state of non-pain feels like.

• Kids love full throttle. Nothing holds their love back....prime example is Christmas morning. There is no container or limitation around their love …that is until they start getting conditioned.

• Kids are completely absorbed in the now, the moment, which really is all we have. It’s only in our minds that we let the past and future have control over us. We as adults have gotten good at letting our minds take matters over our hearts…which may be good in the operations of daily life but not necessarily in our relationships.

• Why make non-hurt a reference point? Isn’t living with an open heart a better reference point? I think so.

In 2010, my new year’s theme was to live with an open heart. A big challenge for me like many adults is to keep our hearts open much like what kids do. In our older age and lifetime of experience, we can find ourselves more guarded, pessimistic, skeptical, bitter, distrustful, jaded….I mean the list can go on and on. Besides all the love being zapped away so goes all the fun.

Ultimately, all this protection mechanism is motivated by a desire to never be hurt or disappointed again, right?

But one thing I have learned as I get older and wiser is to ask a different question. Instead of asking how can I avoid getting hurt, I started to ask, what does closing my heart and being guarded get me?

It’s a good question to ask! Why? Because our actions produce results. So what results am I producing with a closed off heart?

• Yes, I feel safer because I feel some level of control.

• Yes, I am avoiding as much pain as possible

• Yes, I can have more calm in my life because there is less drama and ache.

But this is also what I am getting:

• I am choosing partners who are safe versus who are best for me – the ones who will help me grow, evolve, and become a more loving human.

• I am renting negative space in my heart to those who trashed it. When you hold onto the pain of that broken heart, you are also holding onto the person who inflicted that pain upon you. Just because one guy was an asshole to me doesn’t mean that all men are or will be assholes. And why oh why, would I want to use that Ex as a benchmark for my future love? Evict the pain and past, and rent out the space to a new tenant who will treat my heart with respect and loving intentions.

• I’m spending more time focused on the negative and painful versus the positive and joyful. What you focus on grows – whether loving or not.

• Security versus passion. In order to experience that kind of love that takes your breath away, makes you feel alive, and inspires you to become a better you, is to love with everything you got. In the past, it was more important for me to feel safe and secure than to feel like my heart is singing. I held back quite a bit or behaved the way I thought my guy wanted instead of being myself to ensure security...this is the falsehood I convinced myself of being truth.

• Less fun. Yes, this is the thrid time I've said the word "fun" because life is too short to have less fun. This too is coming from someone who wants to bring back recess to school AND work. Forget coffee breaks, I want play time back.

Why are millions of dollars spent on Harlequin and romance novels? Because people love to read about how other people are having these amazing love and sex lives. It's escapism from the reality of our day-to-day life.

We can have amazing love in our daily life, if we let love happen, freely and openly. Being jaded and overly protective inhibits and limits what comes in and out…namely love...and (I'll say it again) fun!

Love and pain are like two sides of a coin. You can’t grow one side without growing the other.  So yes, it does take great courage to expand your heart like that and more importantly to keep it open during the times you most want to shut it down.

But everything is a choice.

I’ve experienced some ginormous amounts of heart-breaking pain in my life, but equally I can also say that because I have challenged myself to learn how to live with an open heart in times of heartache, I have been blessed with some amazing experiences of love.

And those experiences of love were not just with a boyfriend. I experienced new levels of love with friends, family, and even complete strangers. Love is love isn't it? Where does labeling and putting love into assigned roles get us?

I have made more friends in Phoenix in the last 15 months I’ve been here, than in the last 5 years living in California. I believe all that love is a result of me having a more open heart which has thus helped me be less judgmental of how love is supposed to show up in my life and in what form.

So, as an exercise in learning to be more open, try a day or even a moment and love like a child!

There are two kinds of people in the world ...which are you?

I love Daniel Pink. He's one of those people that really gets my brain jazzed up!

His book, "A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future " is one of those life-changing books for me because when it first came out in 2006, it gave me hope that:

1. I'm not some misfit which years in left-brain Silicon Valley made me feel, and...

2. That the creative, intuitive, and empathatic skills of those who are right-brain dominate would be one day valued as much in the business world as analytical, logic-focused, structured skills.

Daniel wrote this really cool post on his blog, "There are two kinds of people in the world..." which included some really inspiring insights. His post stimulated some of my own thoughts from a healthiness (health + happiness) perspective...

There are two kinds of people in the world...

Those who open your heart...and those who break your heart.

Those who are present...and those who are disconnected.

Those who make their health a priority...and those who make their health an after-thought.

Those who walk their talk...and those who just like to talk.

Those who forgive...and those who hold grudges.

Those who seek within...and those who seek outside.

Those who are professionals...and those who are are amateurs. (must read, "The War of Art ")

Those who adapt to change...and those who fight change.

Those that turn their life around...and those that keep their life upside down.

Those who want to make meaning...and those who want to be popular.

Those who are led by their higher-self...and those who are led by their lower-self.

Which are you?

And to note, there is no right or wrong in any of these, it's a matter of giving thought to what you want to embody in your life. We all have choices and we learn and grow from those choices.

If I hadn't spent years holding grudges, I would have never learned the benfits and freedom in forgiveness. Because I kept my life upside down for so long and then finally choose to transform ten years ago, I'm now able to share my experiences through blogging today to help inspire people to turn their lives around even in small ways. Personally, I'm currently working on being led more by my higher-self.

We are all indeed the author of our life story.

I Want You All To Know...I'm Not Always The Strong One

This is me when I cry. It's around midnight and I'm sitting in front of my livingroom mirror. On my blogs, you always see me cheery and smiling, but today you get to see the not-so-cheery side. This is authentic time...which is both the pretty and the messy.

And yet, there is perfection, as I wouldn't change a thing, in this moment as my friend Joseph would say. I also expressed something similar in my post about my Gratitude Altar I created on Thanksgiving day.

There is an evolution in our vulnerability.

I loved today that my friend Megan showed pictures of her messy house to let her readers know that she doesn't have it all together. She is not super mom, and her openness inspired me to do this post and share my own stuff.

I loved today that I had a spontaneous meeting with my friend Greg and I told him how I admired that on his blog he shared his authentic side which includes some very not-pretty things along with the awesome things when he took to heart Tom Peters statement:

"I love y'all.  But could we lighten up a bit on 'authentic'?  The authentic anyone is usually at least half not very pretty."

I also loved today that when I was feeling really sad tonight and drank wine to help alleviate my sadness that I went to my Facebook page and vented a bit and for some reason...well actually not totally surprising because the universe wanted to let me know it was hearing me...that I saw many posts from friends with the theme "when one door closes another will open."

The post that helped me immensely was this from my friend Jessica, who posted a segment from the Katy Perry song, "Firework" (do watch the video, it's cool):

If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed...
...So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road

I loved that my friend Rene blessed me with her kindness after I vented a bit to her:

I REALLY hope that regardless of all that, you have the wonderful, magical holiday season that you deserve for bringing so much light and health to others! :)

And I loved that my friend Joanne IM'd me even though it was the wee hours in her time zone just to check in because she noticed something was up with me. How I appreciated that!

Today I was sad and I cried because I saw this butterfly heart necklace the other day and I wondered why romantic love has alluded me. Why some people can find a relationship seemingly easily, and with all my wonderfulness, I am here sitting on my couch filled with so much love ...and yes in deep gratitude that I am blessed with family and friends who love me dearly...and no special person to share it with. These feelings are compounded because it's the holidays.

And none of this is about logic or what is right or wrong. It's what is...right now...what comes up for me.

Logically my brain and my higher self knows there is someone for me. That my love and I will finally find each other. That I just need to be patient and go about living my life to its fullest. But my emotions and my not-so-confident side gets insecure and sad. In simple moments, I just want someone to cuddle with. I have those moments...and I know I'm not alone. I'm wearing my heart completely on my sleeve (and my blog) today.

And I cried...and even more importantly, I didn't emo eat. I chose to blog instead.

I am not a trainwreck. I am not weak. I am not a mess who can't keep it together. I am actually very grounded, but...

I am human

...and this is me on one of those days when I need to cry, when I need to be sad, when I need to express my hurt, my frustration and my pain. This is one of those authentic moments which we tend to hide from the world because we don't want anyone to see us when we are weak, vulnerable, or losing our shit. We only want to show our pretty sides and not the un-pretty sides.

It is neither healthy nor strong to pretend all the time that everything is FINE. You don't have to show the world every moment of everything you feel when you feel it. In fact, that can be downright TMI. But there are times, when it is okay to show this side of us. It is okay to show and express our humanness.

 

In fact, we need to show this side of us, or people start thinking we're always the strong one...the one who always has it together...the one who never needs help.

But sometimes in life things are just a plain god awful mess.

Sometimes things are so out of control that you are forced to relinquish control because you NEED to let go of control.

Sometimes living in the NOW means you have to experience and be with your pain.

That pain is actually not trying to hurt you, that pain is trying to teach you. That pain is trying to tell you what needs attention and what needs to be healed. But, that requires you to raise your consciousness and be with a teacher that comes in a package we don't like.

For me today, my teacher is singleness...and yeah I really don't like this teacher. But I get it universe. I'm not supposed to like the teacher, I'm supposed to get the lesson...which I'm still trying to figure out, but believe I will learn.

And maybe that's part of the problem, I'm doing too much thinking and not enough doing like oh I don't know asking a guy out instead of waiting for one to ask me. I do have this old-fashioned notion that boys are supposed to ask girls out. Perhaps, it's time to let go of that belief because I can hear Dr. Phil's voice asking, "And so, how's that working for you?"

We are so trained to numb ourselves...to run away...to compartmentalize...to act like nothing happened and that everything is FINE. Is it any wonder that more and more of us are miserable and constantly unfulfilled?

It is not only healthy, but it is normal, to have bad days....to have sad days...to have days when you want to say "Fuck it!" and hide from the world.

Everyone thinks I'm the strong one....but I'm not always strong. Yeah, I demonstrate strength quite a bit but I'm not built out of rock. I know and have learned a great deal, but I don't always have it all together. I can be catty and self-involved. I don't have all the answers.

In fact, neither I nor anyone else is supposed to have all the answers because that's one reason why we're here on Earth...to learn. We're here to learn how to become better humans...how to become more loving humans. And in order to do that, you need to have weak, vulnerable, effed up days!

In Evan Almighty, God aka Morgan Freeman said it perfectly,

"If someone prays for courage, God doesn't just make them courageous, he gives them an opportunity to demonstrate courage."

It's all one big homework assignment from the universe!

When that assignment comes, do we choose to be the same, to act the same, to think the same...or do we finally choose to do something different, to think different, to behave differently.

This is how we change.

In the face of challenge, adversity, pain, you choose DIFFERENTLY! You make a choice that grows you. You make a choice that is for the higher good of all concerned.

You stop being a coward. You stop being self-focused. You stop putting yourself and others down. You stop thinking you don't deserve better. You stop blaming everyone and the world. You stop hurting yourself and others. You stop believing that happiness is for everyone else but you. You stop focusing on what you didn't get. You stop trying to be perfect.

You step up!

There is a difference between being sad all the time and once in awhile. I know because once upon a time I was sad ALL the time for months and then years, and they put me on medical leave and put me on the "happy pills." In my old life, I spent all most every single day being Miss Perfect because I believed that that's how I would get love and acceptance. To the world, I always made sure people thought I was FINE. You know what all that perfection really got me?

More pain...I was not FINE....and why?

Because I wasn't me. I wasn't living the real me. I wasn't allowing myself to be human with flaws as well as goodness. I didn't even let myself cry. I was being what I thought everyone wanted me to be. I was being that image of strength, wisdom, and perfection because I thought if I could just be perfect enough... that if I could just get it all together...then I too could be happy and loved like everyone else.

I took to blogging 5 years ago to share my own learning lessons so that I could help others feel less alone and stigmatized by things that are filled with shame. I am very grateful that sharing my stories helps others in their own healing journey. I showed my flaws as well as goodness to show that humans are multi-faceted and that if you truly say you want to live authentically, then that means you will have to show the ugly along with the pretty sides of you...and trust that you will still be loved and accepted.

Our flaws make us more interesting like our favorite leather jacket.

Of course it's not fucking easy...and yeah it is incredibly and highly UNCOMFORTABLE! But I'll tell you this....

...it's real! It's life...

...and you're not alone. You're not weird. You're not weak. Anyone who judges you, well, you have no say or control over that. That's their issue not yours.

It's okay to be human! What matters is what we learn and grow from our experiences. How we step up and be accountable...how we learn to be more loving to our self and others...in good and tough times.

Today I cried...and tomorrow is a new day. This too shall pass.

 

Quote on Love

Quote on Impact

Self: Do You Own Your Power Or Are You Just Renting?

Got O magazine in the mail today, and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the cover statement:

Own Your Power!

It was great timing as I needed to be reminded of that today. Actually, I shouldn't be surprised because that's how the Universe works sometimes...you get messages literally sent to you almost like a screaming beacon.

Get moving lightworker!

Okay, okay, I get it. I hear you loud and clear! The last two weeks have been really amazing with me kicking ass all over the place, but this weekend I was starting to feel the insecurities saunter back in.

Beyond the O magazine cover inspiring me, reading the article, "The 2010 O Power List" was like wowza! You gotta read the profiles of these women (oh and some dudes and one animal...yes an animal!)

Again, LOVED the stories of these people owning their power and doing good in the world. I was thrilled to see some of my favorite women on that list like Viola Davis and Jane Lynch who happily was the example of, "The power of authenticity." I consider Jane a shero.

Using house metaphor

Immersing myself in the O Power List, I was reminded that in order for me to live in the kickassness quadrant, I have to start owning my power...on a consistent basis. If I look back, and am truly honest with myself, I'd say that I have behaved more like a renter than an owner of my power - short-term commit-er, temporary, and vacillating on claiming ownership.

There is nothing wrong with renting, and it doesn't make one less than owners because we all have different needs. I'm actually an excellent renter. I pay on time, keep the place tidy, and am friendly and considerate of my neighbors. I also enjoy the freedom from responsibility of owning and enjoy that I have a maintenance guy that comes pronto to fix anything.

Renting just becomes a problem when you know deep down that you want that bigger life you keep dreaming of and yet you stay unsettled instead of growing roots.The angsty feeling inside grows more and more over time. We may even start complaining or become complacent or worse apathetic.

I know that I am a renter of my power because in the past whenever I stepped up to the plate and got my shine on, what would happen is that I would get a shiner - emotionally and sometimes physically. The saboteurs would come out and beat the crap out of me metaphorically or literally. I then would get scared and then go back into hiding. I started to learn that whenever I stepped into my power the bullies would come out and I would get pummeled. Ouch!

I learned that I was safer staying in my smallness. I learned that if I didn't live who I truly was I would be safe from the intimidators and bulldozers. I lived like that for a long time, and yeah I was safe...but I sure didn't feel fulfilled. More importantly, I started to feel bad because I started thinking more and more that I was given special gifts and talents and I was withholding them from the world. These thoughts affected the sharer in me.

Defending your choices

I always think about the movie, Defending Your Life where Daniel is on trial somewhere in limbo after he dies, and the tribunal is deciding on whether he needs to go back down to Earth to do it all over again because he didn't learn, or he gets to go up to heaven.

If I was sitting in that tribunal chair and I was aksed, "Why did you not use the gifts and talents we gave you?" What would I say? And you can't lie because you're with angel-like beings and they'll know a lie instantly.

"Um, I don't know?"

"Yes, you do know. Everyone always knows the answer, they just don't want to say it. So say it!"

"I was afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"Afraid of getting hurt. People are so mean down there. Every time I stepped up and was me, I got beat up. I didn't want to get beat up any more. I just wanted calm. Is that so bad to want to feel safe?"

"No. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be safe. It's perfectly normal to want safety. But is that safety worth the price of not living your true self? Is the price of your happiness worth giving up because when you choose to not live what you are capable of and what is in your heart, yes you are safe, but you are also not totally present in your life.

If you want to help make the world a better place, that desire that burns in your soul, you must live your nature, not hide from it. Part of your lesson is to learn how to deal with the bullies and not let them stop you. Part of your lesson is to show you that you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for. The lesson will continue to present itself until you have mastered it."

Well alrighty then! Intense, but true. Since I'm still on earth, I get a chance to learn that lesson now instead of having to come back down here again. Between you and I, I'd like to go to heaven...that is, if life really was like the Defending Your Life movie.

So, I get it. We see that even in the movies. The main character keeps getting beat up until he/she finally stands up to the bully, and when they do we cheer because really deep down that's what we want of ourselves.

It's choice time.

Time to move from renter to owner.

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